Consider this quote from Simone Grace Seol:
"If you're not being appreciated for who you are, you're only being tolerated for who you aren't."
Seriously so good.
There was a period in my illustration career when I was a little “distracted”. Namely, when I had thrown myself into the stereotypical fantasy genre for a few years and was courting all the standard gaming, magazine, and publishing companies. Unfortunately, this diversion always felt a little forced, so it might actually qualify as a minor career mistake. It’s a hard thing to admit to myself that I kinda got lost.
Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed acquiring a bunch of other cool skills I wouldn’t otherwise have had. Skills like being able to draw and paint people to a high degree (and I did get to paint quite a number of dragons during this period of which I’m proud). But I have to admit to feeling “wasteful” for having spent time and effort going down the wrong path, creating some images I wasn’t that interested in. Though I’d gotten many wonderful commissions in the genre and learned a lot while I was working on them, ultimately, that work showed me that traditional “fantasy stuff” (ie. LOTR , medieval lore stuff ) isn’t really my thing. My hands-down favorite creative work has always been centered in the natural history and science world.
Looking at the work I’ve done most of my life— all my favorite stuff— it seems super-obvious, doesn’t it? Ok, u-turn.
Trying to be something I wasn’t meant that I hadn’t been paying enough attention to what my work was always saying to me. I lost my way because I got caught up in other artists’ journeys and what was successful for them, lured away by this idea that if I painted knights in armor, swords, pirates, it would naturally produce a better financial or career outcome.
Well, it turns out that when you’re doing work that you’re not 100% in love with, it shows. When you’re really doing the work you’re supposed to be doing, it feels and looks authentic— which is what people connect with; it’s what they truly want.
So, after several years of feeling lost and disconnected, I finally remembered who I’m supposed to be. (The covid pandemic was— if I’m being completely transparent here— brutally instrumental in speeding up my thinking. That, and the sudden death of 2 friends.) This involved the uncomfortable realization that I may not be as interested in some of those directions or elements in my art that I worked so hard to make essential. It meant letting go of the investment in some of the markets that I’d spent years years cultivating because of my shallow thinking about what was regarded as “success” in the industry.
It meant figuring out that my deep pull to work in ceramics (a “craft”) didn’t make me less of a professional illustrator. It meant reclaiming my love for the nature and botanical subject matter that I’ve loved so much my entire life and which I still find so irresistible.
And yeah, I might still occasionally want to make an image that’s overtly fantastic but now I’m more clued in on what that means for me.
So, “Be yourself, you lovely weirdo.”